Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
