God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
