so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
