i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize