i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize