If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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