WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
