they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
