i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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