i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize