hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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