My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
