I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
