Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish you could order shots online.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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