I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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