Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
