Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
