decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
