Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
