well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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