I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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