my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I love you.
Bad choice
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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