I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
