margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
