burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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