My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
