I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
