Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
