Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
