he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
