well I can't set my house on fire every night
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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