Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
