a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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