I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What a dumb baby whore.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
