i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
