She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
