I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Is it penis luge time yet?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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