just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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