Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
