I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
