You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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