Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
