So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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