Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
