When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
