I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
