We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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