I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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