I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
