I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
