I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
