I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
