I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
