There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
