Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
