You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
