i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
