Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
