Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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