Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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