im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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