u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
