I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
