Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
