Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
