so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
