I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
