My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize