i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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