it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
