I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
