I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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