It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize