i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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