So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
