I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
