Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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