i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize