How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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