how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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