I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
