It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I cockslap morals
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
