Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
