oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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