I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
